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I'm surprised I don't have more examples of bitter verse in my poetry portfolio. Maybe I figured Dorothy Parker was enough for me and I didn't have to add any contributions of my own, but other than an archy-and-mehitabel spoof expressing my dissatisfaction with my poetry workshop class, most of my archive is surprisingly happy. Anyway, here's a sonnet.


The girls I’ve craved both hate St. Valentine.
When misfit tropes do our sick minds align
We shun the churchyard-painted lovers’ scene,
Yet mental thorns do swift my guts entwine.

With thoughts phrased thus that wrought-iron rhymes enclose,
What friend would not my further care oppose?
I glide my words on self-reflexive wings —--
Once more, there, in her dreaming —--- nothing grows.

Salvia divinorum, noblest sage,
With thee shall I escape cold Psyche’s cage.
I’ll split with her Queen Mab’s wild tryptamine,
Make homage to the Beatles’ archimage.

With eager drops shall we our blood annoint;
I’ll seek her hand in time thrown out of joint.

For me, Valentine's day normally represents a day of celebration for those around me... in this case, this year, I took so many chances and didn't get far. Funny thing is, for once I was completely honest with myself and the significant others that I took interest in, and the end result wasn't good, but definitely satisfying. I learn so much from the relationships around me, whether they are with friends or family, and I almost get to sit on the sidelines and analyze them without physically and mentally being in a relationship.

Angels on the sideline,
puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden
has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden.
Silly monkeys,
where there's one you're bound to divide it,
right in two.

Kate and I had a snippet from the same Donne poem on the bookmarks we gave out as wedding favors. You have excellent taste...

Happy Valentine's Day, Melissa! And congrats for handling a very tough situation with intelligence and grace.

Thank you, Jennifer. And Happy (belated) Valentine's Day to you!

Since this is a physics blog, I think you should replace "singledom" with "singularity" and "couples" with "dualities"

I love that photo of the skeletons.

Blake, is that your poem?

Valentine's Day is a time for fun with friends, just like we've always done in the lab the past few years. Lots of sweets and roses all around. But the nights... it's a different story. Felt the aloneness as walked to the cafeteria for dinner.

Well oh well.. Hope next year will be different.

"Optimizing the Encounter Rate in Biological Interactions: Lévy versus Brownian Strategies", F. Bartumeus et al., Phys. Rev. Lett. 88, 097901 (2002).

Above is cited by

I just can't believe it! The editor of Physical Review Letters publishes a Brownian motion type analysis of dating for sex, but he wrote me the following email rejecting a paper about gravity which actually makes solid predictions:

Sent: 02/01/03 17:47
Subject: Your_manuscript LZ8276 Cook {gravity unification proof}
Physical Review Letters does not, in general, publish papers on alternatives to currently accepted theories.... Yours sincerely, Stanley G. Brown, Editor, Physical Review Letters

Ummmm, second thoughts, I can see why he published that paper. He sent it to peer reviewers who tried out the dating approach, and approved it. In my case, the nearest things to "peer" reviewers are string theorists dismiss anything with less than 10 dimensions as obviously wrong...

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    Physics Cocktails

    • Heavy G
      The perfect pick-me-up when gravity gets you down.
      2 oz Tequila
      2 oz Triple sec
      2 oz Rose's sweetened lime juice
      7-Up or Sprite
      Mix tequila, triple sec and lime juice in a shaker and pour into a margarita glass. (Salted rim and ice are optional.) Top off with 7-Up/Sprite and let the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.
    • Listening to the Drums of Feynman
      The perfect nightcap after a long day struggling with QED equations.
      1 oz dark rum
      1/2 oz light rum
      1 oz Tia Maria
      2 oz light cream
      Crushed ice
      1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
      In a shaker half-filled with ice, combine the dark and light rum, Tia Maria, and cream. Shake well. Strain into an old fashioned glass almost filled with crushed ice. Dust with the nutmeg, and serve. Bongos optional.
    • Combustible Edison
      Electrify your friends with amazing pyrotechnics!
      2 oz brandy
      1 oz Campari
      1 oz fresh lemon juice
      Combine Campari and lemon juice in shaker filled with cracked ice. Shake and strain into chilled cocktail glass. Heat brandy in chafing dish, then ignite and pour into glass. Cocktail Go BOOM! Plus, Fire = Pretty!
    • Hiroshima Bomber
      Dr. Strangelove's drink of choice.
      3/4 Triple sec
      1/4 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
      2-3 drops Grenadine
      Fill shot glass 3/4 with Triple Sec. Layer Bailey's on top. Drop Grenadine in center of shot; it should billow up like a mushroom cloud. Remember to "duck and cover."
    • Mad Scientist
      Any mad scientist will tell you that flames make drinking more fun. What good is science if no one gets hurt?
      1 oz Midori melon liqueur
      1-1/2 oz sour mix
      1 splash soda water
      151 proof rum
      Mix melon liqueur, sour mix and soda water with ice in shaker. Shake and strain into martini glass. Top with rum and ignite. Try to take over the world.
    • Laser Beam
      Warning: may result in amplified stimulated emission.
      1 oz Southern Comfort
      1/2 oz Amaretto
      1/2 oz sloe gin
      1/2 oz vodka
      1/2 oz Triple sec
      7 oz orange juice
      Combine all liquor in a full glass of ice. Shake well. Garnish with orange and cherry. Serve to attractive target of choice.
    • Quantum Theory
      Guaranteed to collapse your wave function:
      3/4 oz Rum
      1/2 oz Strega
      1/4 oz Grand Marnier
      2 oz Pineapple juice
      Fill with Sweet and sour
      Pour rum, strega and Grand Marnier into a collins glass. Add pineapple and fill with sweet and sour. Sip until all the day's super-positioned states disappear.
    • The Black Hole
      So called because after one of these, you have already passed the event horizon of inebriation.
      1 oz. Kahlua
      1 oz. vodka
      .5 oz. Cointreau or Triple Sec
      .5 oz. dark rum
      .5 oz. Amaretto
      Pour into an old-fashioned glass over (scant) ice. Stir gently. Watch time slow.