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Comments

lol Jennifer, giving hand jobs to gorillas, in California that must be only one step away from servicing the football team.

But it does sort of take away the spontaneity of the whole thing, you know 1) put this sheath cobered in spermicides on to prevent pregnancy, and 2) when the girls want to get pregnant, lets make them jump thru loops and hurdles, to pick the fastest or most energetic.

I guess there'll be a sigh of relief from some of the females of the species when we can incubate babies from IVF to birth in 'artificial' Japanese wombs.

Clearly fears over overpopulation have died away, and there is little risk of the human race becoming extinct as long as one man has a harem or two.

But never mind smoking (and dioxins) or cycle riding. What are all those hormones in chickens & meat doing to the sperm count - any results out yet?

lol, nice article, thanks!

"Etoro people of Papua New Guinea, who believe that young boys must perform oral acts upon their elders and (ahem) swallow the sperm in order to become sexually mature"

Is this the same tribe that practices cannibalism??? Sheesh...

I'm thinking you could have recycled the title of the last blog entry for this one. Remember, every sperm is needed in your neighborhood.

Matt

You may not be aware, but "manual methods" are widely used in animal breeding, and most vets have considerable personal experience.

http://www.dolittler.com/index.cfm/2006/9/6/pet.vet.vpov.9.6.06
http://www.dolittler.com/index.cfm/2007/3/21/pet.vet.dog.cat.3.21.07

I've seen a deadly serious training video explaining how to use a plastic bag on a stallion, how it's more convenient than an artificial vagina, and the stallions don't seem to lose interest in more traditional foal-making.

(Regarding the previous blog entry... how can any discussion of fun physics omit liquid nitrogen ice cream?)

Forget about the Parental Advisory, you need a Hilarity Advisory.
I can see the necessity for the safety video for collecting samples, one pal in University was collecting a sample from a randy bull and toro missed the plastic bag. The sleeve of his labcoat, on the other hand...

Just for reference, Google makes it oh-so-easy to do conversions from x units to y.

Human sperm: http://www.google.com.au/search?q=0.2+kilometers+per+hour+in+inches+per+second
Chimp and monkey sperm: http://www.google.com.au/search?q=0.7+kilometers+per+hour+in+inches+per+second
Gorilla sperm: http://www.google.com.au/search?q=0.1+kilometers+per+hour+in+inches+per+second

Of course, these are nothing compared to Superman's sperm, according to Larry Niven: "Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet."

Does anyone else find the idea of an artificial womb a little creepy? Or is that just the Luddite in me?

By the way, thanks for the advice in the comments of Asymptotia.

"Does anyone else find the idea of an artificial womb a little creepy? Or is that just the Luddite in me?"

If it helps a couple have children who normally couldn't then it's just fine with me.

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    Physics Cocktails

    • Heavy G
      The perfect pick-me-up when gravity gets you down.
      2 oz Tequila
      2 oz Triple sec
      2 oz Rose's sweetened lime juice
      7-Up or Sprite
      Mix tequila, triple sec and lime juice in a shaker and pour into a margarita glass. (Salted rim and ice are optional.) Top off with 7-Up/Sprite and let the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.
    • Listening to the Drums of Feynman
      The perfect nightcap after a long day struggling with QED equations.
      1 oz dark rum
      1/2 oz light rum
      1 oz Tia Maria
      2 oz light cream
      Crushed ice
      1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
      In a shaker half-filled with ice, combine the dark and light rum, Tia Maria, and cream. Shake well. Strain into an old fashioned glass almost filled with crushed ice. Dust with the nutmeg, and serve. Bongos optional.
    • Combustible Edison
      Electrify your friends with amazing pyrotechnics!
      2 oz brandy
      1 oz Campari
      1 oz fresh lemon juice
      Combine Campari and lemon juice in shaker filled with cracked ice. Shake and strain into chilled cocktail glass. Heat brandy in chafing dish, then ignite and pour into glass. Cocktail Go BOOM! Plus, Fire = Pretty!
    • Hiroshima Bomber
      Dr. Strangelove's drink of choice.
      3/4 Triple sec
      1/4 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
      2-3 drops Grenadine
      Fill shot glass 3/4 with Triple Sec. Layer Bailey's on top. Drop Grenadine in center of shot; it should billow up like a mushroom cloud. Remember to "duck and cover."
    • Mad Scientist
      Any mad scientist will tell you that flames make drinking more fun. What good is science if no one gets hurt?
      1 oz Midori melon liqueur
      1-1/2 oz sour mix
      1 splash soda water
      151 proof rum
      Mix melon liqueur, sour mix and soda water with ice in shaker. Shake and strain into martini glass. Top with rum and ignite. Try to take over the world.
    • Laser Beam
      Warning: may result in amplified stimulated emission.
      1 oz Southern Comfort
      1/2 oz Amaretto
      1/2 oz sloe gin
      1/2 oz vodka
      1/2 oz Triple sec
      7 oz orange juice
      Combine all liquor in a full glass of ice. Shake well. Garnish with orange and cherry. Serve to attractive target of choice.
    • Quantum Theory
      Guaranteed to collapse your wave function:
      3/4 oz Rum
      1/2 oz Strega
      1/4 oz Grand Marnier
      2 oz Pineapple juice
      Fill with Sweet and sour
      Pour rum, strega and Grand Marnier into a collins glass. Add pineapple and fill with sweet and sour. Sip until all the day's super-positioned states disappear.
    • The Black Hole
      So called because after one of these, you have already passed the event horizon of inebriation.
      1 oz. Kahlua
      1 oz. vodka
      .5 oz. Cointreau or Triple Sec
      .5 oz. dark rum
      .5 oz. Amaretto
      Pour into an old-fashioned glass over (scant) ice. Stir gently. Watch time slow.